Latter-day Saints: We need to better love those who leave our faith

Love first, love second, and then love again.

For many who leave The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-say Saints, the decision to exit is not an easy one. It’s typically an intimate, difficult, and personal choice.

One reason it can be so hard to cut ties with the Church is because when people lose their Latter-day Saint faith, they too often lose their Latter-day Saint family and friends, too.

While it’s true former members may choose to distance themselves from active members once they decide to leave, we must be sure the distance is never our doing — the decision to leave the Church isn’t worth ruining relationships.

“Pure religion…is…to visit the fatherless,” not to make those who have stopped going to church fatherless (or motherless, grandparentless, siblingless, childless, friendless, or neighborless) due to our actions and reactions.

When asked how active members can best interact with less active family and friends, Elder M. Russell Ballard responded, “What they need — what we all need — is love and understanding, not judging. … Be genuinely interested in their lives, their successes, and their challenges. Always be warm, gentle, loving, and kind.”

At another meeting, Elder Ulisses Soares counseled members to “sincerely rejoice with [those who have left the Church] in their successes; be their friends and look for the good in them. We should never give up on them but preserve our relationships. Never reject or misjudge them. Just love them!”

Love is the thesis of Christendom. The first and second great commandments are focused on the feeling, as we are told to love God and our neighbor. The scriptures likewise tell us to love our “brother also.”

“For he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?”

Do not allow pride to tempt you into pretending you can’t see your brothers and sisters.

Resist to urge to preach. Instead, practice what you preach — that is to love first, love second, and to then love again.

Those who have left the Church know where the Church is. If they want to come back, they will. But right now, what they need are phone calls to come home, not calls to repentance. They need open arms, not closed minds. They need to be validated, not vilified. They need to be hugged, not hung out to dry.

John put it plainly: “Let us love one another: for love is of God. … [and] we love him, because he first loved us.”

Life is too short to do anything but love those who leave the Church. That may not be something our gut would do, but it is something God would do — and does.